A new niche market for kilts (courtesy of the TSA)

While the Scots have a fine history and tradition of kilt wearing, we Americans have tried and failed to create any kind of marketing niche for this eminently practical item of clothing. I’ve never figured it out — they’re comfortable, have a zillion pockets for carrying things (at least, the Utilikilts do), and are highly durable. In fact, they’re guaranteed never to wear out in the knees or crotch.

But Americans are suspicious of men in kilts. Perhaps this is because the average American male doesn’t have the physique to carry off the look?

At any rate, kilts may enjoy a surge of popularity in the US thanks to the new, top-of-the-line invasive security screenings now being featured at an airport near you. The TSA has decreed that you will either be scanned by a machine that takes naked pictures of you, or else you may opt out and instead be subjected to an invasive groping by undertrained TSA staff. (Failure to agree to one of those choices is now punished by an $11,000 civil fine.)

But a groundswell of opposition is rising. Air travelers, who have submitted like sheep to every increasingly ridiculous, time-consuming, inconvenient and — worst of all — ineffective “security” measure, appear to have finally hit the wall. A National Opt Out Day has been scheduled for November 24, the height of the Thanksgiving travel rush, and now travelers are being encouraged to treat every day as an Opt Out Day.

Kilt enthusiasts have jumped at this opportunity. What better item of clothing to wear for a groping? Truly self-confident travelers are even being encouraged to go commando in their kilts, the better to thoroughly discomfit the TSA staff. And when the groping is done and you’re in your plane seat, say the kilt enthusiasts, you will greatly appreciate the comfort of traveling in a kilt.

I don’t know if kilts will ever catch on in the US, but it sure is nice to see people finally striking back against this institutionalized idiocy. And it’s not just Americans — check out the attention-grabbing protest of a German group named The Pirate Party:

After a few highly-publicized gropings of small children at airports, one blog posted a faux children’s book that can’t be too far off from becoming reality:

It’s funny, but it also points out the true idiocy of these scanners: They do a virtual strip search of you, but they can’t see inside body cavities. Which means there is an obvious method of circumventing them. Which means they are useless, in addition to humiliating and time-consuming. So why bother with them at all? The answer is pretty obvious: money.

An army of executives for scanner-producing corporations — mostly former high-ranking Homeland Security officials — successfully lobbied Congress into spending $300 million in stimulus money to buy the scanners. But running them will cost another $340 million each year. Operating them means 5,000 added TSA personnel, growing the screener workforce by 10 percent. This, when the federal debt commission is saying that we must cut federal employment rolls, including some FBI agents, just to keep spending sustainable.

Good to know that someone’s getting rich off this. But I really think that money should be going to the kilt manufacturers. Travelers of the world, unite! And drop your pants.