The PNW rocks

The PNW — Pacific Northwest, for those of you not familiar with the upper left corner of the United States — is an awesome place for many reasons. Here are two of them, from the recent news.

1. Oregon: A 69-year-old grandmother, serving her shift as night manager of a restaurant, fought off a would-be robber by scaring the crap out of him.

The intruder leapt over the counter, breaking part of the wood, and fell to the floor.

“I just automatically grabbed my chair,” the feisty, gray-haired grandmother said. “I was going to hit him with it.”

The stranger got up, scooted backward, and yelled at Lane, “Get away lady!”

“No, you get away!” Lane shouted back. She reached for a butcher knife she keeps beneath the cash register for just such eventualities.

“I said, ‘No, you back up. Back, back out,” she ordered, holding the butcher knife up. […]

When the robber showed up, she said she was tired and grew disgusted.

“You don’t want to get the old lady mad,” Lane said. “I’m in the process of moving and I’ve been a bit crabby lately. He picked the wrong day.”

It turns out this was not Ms. Lane’s first adventure with frightening off robbers. The last time was five years ago, with a man who claimed he had a gun.

“No, you don’t,” she said bluntly, grabbing the butcher knife. “Your sweatsuit is so tight, you couldn’t even fit a toothpick in there.” The robber turned and ran out.

Do not mess with Oregon women.

2) Washington: The state’s Democratic Central Committee has endorsed an initiative to legalize and tax marijuana, with distribution handled by the state’s Liquor Control Board. This is a Very Big Deal, transforming a fringe political issue into one with powerful mainstream backing. Washington Democrats are defying the federal government’s “War on Drugs” (which has been about as successful as its War on Terror) and baldly stating that instead of spending vast amounts of money to criminalize marijuana and its users, they want to treat it like alcohol: control it, regulate it, tax it, and enjoy the revenue. If that law actually passes, I may have to smoke a joint in solidarity and celebration.

I’ve never figured out why my national government spends billions subsidizing and protecting the growth and sale of one smokable leaf, while simultaneously spending billions more suppressing and prosecuting the growth and sale of another smokable leaf. But a deep recession has a way of casting old regimes in a new light, especially where there’s a revenue stream involved. Or at least, it does in the Pacific Northwest.

Kick-ass grandmothers and a possible state repeal of Prohibition — the PNW rocks.


About Fletcher DeLancey

Socialist heathen and Mac-using author of the Chronicles of Alsea, who enjoys pondering science, politics, well-honed satire (though sarcastic humor can work, too) and all things geeky.
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6 Responses to The PNW rocks

  1. Ana_ñ says:

    1) I always hope that these impulsive heroines don’t get hurt, but their actions make me feel damn good!
    Remember the video showing a pensioner beating three robbers with her handback

    2) In the long run, it will be better for everyone.

    • oregon expat says:

      1) I hadn’t seen that story in the Guardian, but just watched the footage with a huge smile on my face. You’re right, those kinds of things make us feel good!

      2) Especially for Mexico, if the US can ever show enough fortitude to repeal Prohibition on a national level. (But I’m not holding my breath…smoking pun intended.)

  2. Lilaine says:

    1) It seems there is at least one “kick-ass grandmother” in each country every so often. Some make the news, others don’t. I personally have heard of an French-Italian Mama who fought off (she actually knocked him senseless) a purse-snatcher while she was a passenger in a car (I don’t know if I can call that carjacking ?) here in my lovely(…) south of France.
    2) “If that law actually passes, I may have to smoke a joint in solidarity and celebration.”
    When I first read this post : I did have a doubt about what you where referring to by your “succulent pot”, until I read some earlier posts about your beloved garden on the verandas…. Now, the doubt comes back … 😀 😛

  3. xenatuba says:

    Leagalize it and tax the s*#t out of it. Just sayin’. And not only do we have great fiesty folks who tell robbers to get out, in a more gruesome story, we have a nurse whose husband hired a fellow to kill her (I believe his weapon of choice was a hammer) and she repelled the attack and ended the bad guy’s life, bare handed. DON’T MESS WITH OREGON WOMEN.

    • oregon expat says:

      I forgot about the Portland nurse who killed her attacker! She strangled him, didn’t she? And he outweighed her by a good bit too, not to mention having the advantage of surprise, fear, and a hammer.

      I’ll bet the last thought in his mind was profound disbelief.

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